Well so much has happened since my last update. Every day is so full packed with stuff…even on the lazy days. Since the Thai jungle…we were both mezmerized and saddened by Cambodia. Learning about the horrors of the Kumer Rough left R and I baffled and deeply sad. We toured a prison where Pol Pot’s army tourtured and held captive many and went to the Killing Fields outside of Phnom Penh to wittness massive, open graves, the trees they would beat children on, where they hung the loud speaker to drown out the screaming, the skulls with hatchet marks in them. It was a lot to take in…how could one man command so many to kill they own…in the late seventies..in such psychologically/physically brutal ways? Two million fell victim to this mass genocide in a mere four years. R and I could only say a small prayer because there is no comprehension of this, no explanation.

We were also able to experience beautiful splendor in Cambodia in Siem Reap where they infamous Angkor Wat temples are (you know…Tomb Raider???). I can’t explain how mystifying and gorgeous they were…old, sandsone rock carved intricately and covered in mystical mosses. Gigantic trees grew hrough many of the enormous structures.

We then made our way to Vietnam. Ohhh Vietnam…so hard to love at times but I did learn a lot there and enjoyed it with at least the baseline love I have for all travel. We first went to the gorgeous, lesser known island Phu Quoc just south of the mainland. What a treat. We stayed in a little beach bumgalow RIGHT ON THE OCEAN (I kid you not…) for $17/night. The island has many dirt roads, cows roaming on deserted beaches, curious old fishing boats, and sandy, untouched beauty for miles. However, it won’t be long until they “pave paradise” as Vietnam is learning the tourist potential of Phu Quoc. When our flight to Ho Chi Min (Saigon) was delayed by two hours Vietnam Airlines (i.e. the government) groomed us by transporting us into the city for a huge, delicious, banquet lunch. R noted, “they must want tourists to come back!” At any rate, R and I took a moto (like a mow-ped) around the island throughout our stay. Two minutes out on the moto I acquired what I would learn later is an “Asian tatoo.” Due to both R and my fault the moto tipped and I burned the crap out of my right calf on the exhaust pipe. The relatively deep burn is about 3.5 inches long and 1.5 inches wide with a few other pieces of burnt flesh around it. It looks totally gross!!! It’s still pretty painful and I get bummed thinking about the scar I think it will make. I guess plenty of tourists (especially) have gotten them but I haven’t seen anyone else with one (I know my friend Ankit had one and another traver we met had one in the past). A Malaysian stopped me in a store yesterday and told me to try oil on it, don’t put antibiotic on it, and let it air out. So I’m currently trying that folk remedy with baby oil. Anyone else know how to treat an Asian tatoo???

Phu Quoc was lush and lovely…and gave us strength to encounter Ho Chi Min. The city is full of methods and madness and made my city girl heart sing again. We saw some (heh hem) “interesting” government propagated museums focused on the Vietnam War. I guess I will just say that it was quite uncomfortable being an American going through these…for several reasons…

So Ho Chi Min is a facinating, full of history place. Significantly, it’s one of the most difficult places in the world to cross the street. At some points you can look out onto a sea of 1,000’s of moto drivers. You basically have to cross half of the street at a time weaving in and out of moto’s/cars. You can’t be afraid and you can’t stop either! When we were set to leave Ho Chi Min a mass flood greeted us…at first it seemed a little crazy and exhilarating until all the cockroaches started coming up from the streets to find dry land. One got caught in my shoe as tons gathered under our Hostel entrance! It was definitely eek!

Also! I forgout about the rich and interesting Mekong Delta in Vietnam! We spend a few days exploring the fertile fishing/rice/vegetable land here…seeing how people lived in the boats and houses by the shore was really neat. Also the kids are so cute while waving wildly as your boat goes by.

Also notably, R and I try and find what we call a “Fear Factor” street in all the places we go. These streets are where people are preparing/eating/holding captive things we would not see in the states… For example in Thailand, there was a huge, encolsed tent area full of rows of dried fish skin…pig heads…raw meats…etc. In Phnom Penh we say tons of frogs in bags, live fish flopping around in bowls, big, black catfish scurring around in their holding vats, etc. Will write more later in the Vietnam FF streets later…

Now the Fear Factor stuff being said…we have had impeccable (and often cheap) food everywhere. Enjoyed the fa (spelling?), noodles in Vietnam and the Amok chilchen/fish curries in Cambodia. I bought some Amok spices and can’t wait to cook some up at home!

For now, we are in Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia…it’s a very modern city yet we both felt a slight pang for the rougher places we’ve been. The rougher places are, well, rougher, but they have their own unique rewards. By the way, for those curious, we’ve been staying in places that cost us each $8-$9 on average per night…so nothin’ too fancy yet but I’m a hostel girl at heart anyway. We might splurge on something when we get to Bali.

Don’t wanna go home! Only a few weeks left though…at that :(.

Cheers to all!

From July 11...

Word all! R and I are in Cambodia now having a totally awesome time.

To recap the last few days, we basically went up to Chang Mai, Thailand and hiked through the dense Thai jungle for two days straight. We slept in the jungle too on a raised bamboo hut on a small mat inside a mosquito net. The jungle is a very mysterious and exciting place. We saw gigantic beetles, spiders, magnificent butterflies, flowers, and waterfalls. It was also quite muddy in the jungle and we trekked over all sorts of terrains–definitely a sweaty challenge. The jungle becomes a little scary when you are sleeping next to a thick, deep jungle wall..and have to go pee. The idea of walking 30 yards to the outhouse completely scared the crap out of me so I decided to hang my big white behind off the side of the bamboo porch. As I was squatting my bum to the ground, alone in the dark, I thought of all the noctural preditors who might come up and take a big chunk out of it. Of course, as I’m thinking this I’m peeing a liter and can’t stop (I held it all day like a camel). Finally I finish and stumble back to my mosquito net to sleep. Ahhh, no jungle cat terror.

In an hour I have to pee again. DOH! The fear begins all over and R’s wondering if I’m OK…I say yeah, do my business again all the while imagining jungle cat sounds.

Overall the Thai jungle was amazing. Jungle life fascinates me….how do people survive out there? What are their problems? What are their concerns? What do they eat..? What eats…them?

Now we are in the Cambodian jungle around Siam Reap. So much to report from here, too. Just thought some people might be amused with my Thai jungle adcentures…

R and I have been hauling our butts through the crazy streets of Bangkok for four days now…we’ve been having a blast. Bangkok is actually the easiest place I’ve traveled in 3 years. I keep thinking back to India, Mongolia, Russia, Eastern Europe, and China and can’t help but think ‘Wow this is a total breeze!’
Despite Bangkok’s business…the super chill Thai-ness makes everything doable. So does the quick and easy public transportation system here.

We saw some beautiful, old Buddist statues and monuments outside B-kok today. Oh! And we saw Muay Thai kickboxing a few days ago—really, really cool–and not too bloody. We sat ringside!!! Rav loved it. Been eating some to die for Thai food (I continue on my quest to find the best Pad Thai around…)

Went to a really sweet, chill park (Lumpinhi) where I swear to god we saw a Komoto Dragon. Ok it was probably only like 4-5 feet long lizard but it seemed HUGE! At first R wanted to rent a paddle boat but when he saw that thing he changed his mind. The park also had this totally ghetto fabulous “Worlds Gym” type of thing with trees and grass growing all over it—it was all exercise equipment circa 1962. Rusty and spectacular. It was a literal jungle gym and some buff Thais were workin’ on their fitness in there! Also saw a couple of Thai guys playing a board game chillin’ in the park, too.

We had an exciting adventure at this huge shopping mall called the Emporium…because…I forgot my glasses. Yep. Something I NEVER do on big trips, but I did so all I had on the 24 HOUR COMMUTE to Bangkok were my contacts. It got painful… anyway… I picked out some sassy CK purple and blue glasses and had lenses put in within a day. My argument to R was: if I really go through with this doctoral program I’m going to need lots of pairs of funky glasses!!! They cost about the same as they would have in the states with my insurance.

So yeah, I dig Bangkok. It’s easy traveling–hot as hell though. The monsoon rains help cool things down but our $5/night hostel room fan is not so forgiving. We also finalized the rest of our travels. Those include: Cambodia, Vietnam, Malaysia, and Bali.

Basically R and I have been reveling in all this time together. After a few Singah beers yesterday I couldn’t resist giving him a smooch on the street. A Thai lady saw us and exclaimed, “In love!” I of course said “Yes!” to which she replied, “Cool!” This afternoon we laid around after a hot day of picture taking at old Thai architecture sites and giggled like high schoolers for like 2 hours. Actually we’ve done that practically every day. It’s a nice deal :).

By the way R can’t tell a Ladyboy to save his life. Ladyboys are men who dress up as women or really have a sex change to look like women…all over. There are quite a few here in Thailand and work in a number of different areas: the makeup counter at the Emporium, dancing, sex work. Many are actually quite striking women and I found a few checking out R. R’s response to this is the same as it is with anatomical women: total cluelessness.

Headed to Chang Mai (still Thailand) tomorrow…will hopefully see lots of nature and do some trekking. R is considering taking Muay Thai kick boxing lessons.

And…I kinda like having a familiar travel partner…it’s nice and makes things easier. R has noted I’m kind of a travel snob and like to run the show in this arena…but we are doing just fine (wonderful in fact) and I’m sure now we will figure out any bumps in the road. I knew everything would be ok!!! I just have this weird thing about whenever I’m happy I feel like something bad will happen! I hate that! Nothing to feel bad about these days though, all is very well in my world.

Hellllo... is there anybody out there??? I know I hardly ever write in this silly thing anymore. Like a diary, it's a bunch of public mess from yesterday, brain stuff jotted and then forgotten.

But every once in a while I like to log on and write in my *secret* blog here (I have another one I tool around with now...)

I'm one of those people who thinks being single aint' so bad at all. I still bitch and moan about guys, but in an abstract, impersonal way. Not the way that can hurt people when you are in a relationship.

People always say... reationships are hard. Being single is hard. I think it's easier for some people to be in relationships--like Charlotte from S&TC. But for some others, being single is easier--like Samantha. Sometimes I think there's a lot of Sam's out there posing to be Char's. I can't even begin to tell you how much "being in a relationship" is socially important. Choosing to be single, to love yourself more, is typically construed as a narcissistic or as masked desperation. Samantha made being single, loving oneself more, and still have long term relationships only here and there legitimate. It makes one think.

Sometimes I think I'm one of those people who are better off single. There I said it. I like relationships, and I've learned a great deal from every one I've been in, but I'm not so sure the gran pasion (the one) lasts forever. Maybe there are a series of little ones throughout one's life with periods of freedom, singledom? Is it necessary to be tied to one family, one set of in laws, one person your whole, entire life?

Kids kind of muck this up...because yea...if you want them the traditional relationship becomes more necessary (IMOP). But even without the kid factor, is is really reasonable to think that one person, forever, is the way to go? The romantic in me has shrunk into a skeleton over the years (seriously...as you get older cynicism and realism tend to nip harder and harder).

I have a theory about people who meet and get married young. They grow through all this stuff I'm writing about--together. When you grow through it all alone (like me) you REALLY gain a distinct sense of what this all means and how it should impact your life... and, just like you, so do other single, independent potential mates. And when the two meet, it's hard to mesh two different, older and more stubborn growing minds--IMOP!

Again, this is all theory. I love my boyfriend and am generally very happy with him. Sometimes I do get overwhelmed with all that's involved in adopting another life into my own, but I guess that's why I take space and re-group. Sometimes it's hard to see it pan out in the long term (I see him EVERY DAY? Answer to him EVERY day? Have all these additional people to accommodate--- his friends, family --- suddenly, intimitely in my life...forever?!). My friends *know* I'm not the best accommodater (yet they still love me). But you kind of have to be accommodating to make a relationship work. To what extent though? How much compromise is enough...? Where do you draw the limit/boundaries? I suppose that's what my aging, stubborn mind is trying to figure out.

Only the Female Larry David thinks about these things and that's why that person is me.

I don't know why the hell I'm not living in New York given how dark and jaded I've grown!

HA!

I try to stay away from crazy, unfortunately, I was born into it.

I think it's so funny when people who have hurt you expect you to forgive them as if nothing happened. It's funny when people project their own guilt and shortcomings onto you and just say, oh but forgive me! If they only knew what this stuff feels like. If they only knew I had given my best, and that my best is really, objectively, pretty damn good. If they could only just accept my thoughts---but they can't because they can't accept the way THEIR OWN THOUGHTS are. Shame on them. Thank god as an adult you don't have to listen to it anymore. You can simply hang up the phone and continue with the good life all around you.

Religious, guilt inducing tirades are always fun too. Again, thank god they don't affect me anymore.

Sad when adults use childish tactics to validate their own missteps. Haven't I had to deal with that enough already?

Sigh. Another chapter of loose boundaries and irrational family claims. Deemed the all-bad kid--some things never change no matter how good you are. Sometimes you have to be your own advocate, your own parent.

Responsibility is tiring.